FG/2.0 Title: MOP 2001 Field Guide #front
Every year, the population of MOPpers that gathers in the summertime changes as capriciously as the south wind, and this year, they have made their millennial migration to Washington. With so many arrivals and departures, it can be difficult to keep track of this highly rare and invaluable species. Luckily, we have prepared a field guide so that you can identify even the most obscure and startling MOPpers from a distance. So, grab your binoculars, hunting cap, and your Tiankai-catching net, and be prepared for anything. (Don't worry; they don't bite, except Yan.)
Thanks to all of you for making this MOP a memorable one. After all the convex hulls, frisbee games, affine transformations, chats in the corner of the hallway, failed card swipes, Hadamard matrices, test review sessions, camera crews, interviews, missed breakfasts, midnight computer games, fun in elevators, late night gluck games, sing-a-longs, your moms, sooo cools, bagel men, busy beavers, fried zumbugs, lost room keys and Paddington Stations, it's been a great ride. Love you all! —Ian
Field Guide courtesy of Ricky Liu, Gabriel Carroll, Ian Le, Chris Moore, Anders Kaseorg and Daniel Jerison.
#1Welcome to MOP!
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If he asks you how to do TSE problem 3, worked through most of the MOP test problems, missed the boat, and was on the Romanian team when the Americans came two years ago, then he's MIHAI MANEA!
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#8Congratulations! Your MOPper won ARML!
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If he preempts exclamations of coolness, is starting to look (and sound) like his brother did two years ago, solved the rookie homework problem which no rookie got, can build an actual contraparallelogram, knows 539 of Tiankai's obviosities (and counting), pushed hard for a 6++, will accuse you of using the longest words imaginable, was expected to make the team =(, and is noted for bad puns, then he is PO-RU LOH. Vámonos!
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Confused? Flip a coin.
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#14If he is a trustworthy ally in Diplomacy, will wake you up at eight o'clock, is the protagonist in a fantasy he unwittingly wrote, knows a few things about Turing machines but definitely isn't going to become one, wants to know if there's a better way to do problem 16, gives out Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate, and has a Sierpinski end-of-proof symbol, then he's DANIEL JERISON, and ELMO is more than a math olympiad!
#15If he blocks and intercepts frisbees, gets Red Sox articles in the mail, got pummeled with questions on the Rookie Team Contest, has a rope around his neck, and almost has the best mustache, he is MARK LIPSON, and "why don't you just go to hell and BURN!!!?"
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If he is as well-known as complex conjugates, got the Hottest Date award, and lives on Drury Lane, then he is THE MUFFIN MAN!
#18Dude, U Mistaken! Back At Start, Sucker!
#19If he was absent from MOP for the first time in over a decade, was represented via his "A < B" packet, visited Gabriel on the day of the USAMO, wrote the problem with the balls in eight boxes, and doesn't remember the game that you play with elliptic curves, then he's KIRAN KEDLAYA, and he'll look like Ben Kingsley in just four years!
#20If the MOPper speaks French, German, and Latin, knows when the Battle of Hastings was, made a bet with his teacher about the ELMO results, plays Bartok's Romanian Dances, didn't bring parents to the USAMO ceremonies, falls off his bunk bed, wants to have sex, sucks at math (but his mom doesn't), writes rubrics with only two possible scores, needed to turn in his architecture project, is a goofball and a Pokemon, has porn on his laptop, apologizes to all the dumb people out there, finds obviosities, refuses charity on team contests, and writes obscenities into the comments of TEX files, then he's TIANKAI LIU! Isn't that sooooooo cool?!!
#21If he made two IMO teams but missed a BMO team, will never protest his Romanian Olympiad score again, plays frisbee with the Americans, is glad to go to college (but not high school) in America, and wonders why he can't cook as well as his mom, then he's ANDREI JORZA!
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Green weeds of summer
grow where swordsmen's dreams
once used to shimmer.
—Matsuo Basho
#24Watch the Wonder Years.
#25If he was an IMO gold medalist but is now a social studies major, subscribes to vegetarianism, keeps providing new test corrections, has the calculator that saved Tiankai's reputation, apologizes for taking points off, pays for your thoughts, can't distinguish grapes from elephants, invented Calimass, and is the nicest MOPper, then he's GEORGE LEE, and he's not being incoherent!
#26The bagel man says hello.
#27If she sulks behind the table, greets everyone, and demands your card, then she is RENÉE, the lunch-line lady!
#28How many digits of pi does he know?
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If he docked the Koreans four points for trying (and failing) to prove Schur's inequality, has the best lemma, says "good, good, good," wears striped sweatshirts, shares a meal card, isn't joking about those shortlist problems, has the books you ordered, tied for best smile, gives last year's olympiad booklets to whomever he sees, makes stringent curfew rules but is never around to enforce them, wants MOP tests that make the IMO seem easy, and speaks with a voice of thunder, then he is TITU ANDREESCU! Everyone solved #1, right?
#33Mr. Fat once went out for a run,#34
But he had just a bit too much fun.
He got mixed up and lost
At a very great cost
For he had to start over at 1.
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You've reached the Riemann hypothesis. From here you can make a chess move or pass Go and collect $1,000,000.
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If she loses her wallet, plows through sci-fi, can draw a sad monkey face, asked for (and got) a 0- on the ELMO, insists that the pawns are female and all other pieces are male, will spare you insults by sleeping through your lecture, engages in poke wars, organized wing night (and won't do it again), leaves music playing when she's out of her room, gets points for her end-of-proof symbol, and wrestles sketchily with Oaz, then she's INNA ZAKHAREVICH, and don't wear the evil shirt!
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"Every day, do something that you don't want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain."
—Mark Twain
#46The eerie glow of the monitors is calling you. Go to the computer lab.
#47If he was a last-minute recruit for the position of Netherlands guide (and hopes none of them are from Amsterdam), is the chronicler of synchronicity, is a complex number equal to Austin, will transfer to Brown, and wears a "Harry's Shoes" hat, then he's LAWRENCE DETLOR, and do whatever will make the fish taste best!
#48If he has a hearty laugh, read forty math books this year, hasn't grown since ninth grade (but you wouldn't believe it from looking at him), wears green T-shirts, says "pop" instead of "soda," has a dead bug on his write-up, has a father who is a pastor, can beat Oaz at arm-wrestling, and is a super ninja, then he's LUKE GUSTAFSON, the dumbest USAMO winner!
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If she didn't make it back to MOP but will visit the IMO, had the last MOP test partly in her memory, and has a lemma named in her honor, then she is SHUANG YOU, and she doesn't believe you remember her!
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#56Sorry, Reid really does have a math groupie. Go back to 118.
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#58Is your MOPper is from California or Massachusetts? Head over to Calimass.Is your MOPper is from California or Massachusetts? Head over to Calimass. Otherwise, go to 13.
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Flip a coin.
#61If he has been to MOP five times before, serves as keeper of the hole punch, had two tests made specially for him (and one made specially by him), can be thanked for the contents of AMC's bank account, plays the Waldstein Sonata, won a Rubik's Cube, ranks with a dead guy as the co-coolest mathematician ever, is going to two international olympiads in succession, is learning "Oh, The Places You'll Go" by osmosis, verified the Chinese spelling of "Cauchy," can speak British (from A to Zed), and solved all the Putnam problems, he is REID BARTON (duh)!
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#63We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, but spiritual beings on a human journey.
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If he spends all day MUDding, left "home" to attend the Hall of Fame awards, barely qualified for the USAMO, smiles and waves at whoever sees him, suggests that 1 + 2 + 3 = 4 + 5 + 6 + 7, sent the first message to the email list, sits in the back, and wants you to work on the hoangolympiad site, then "baythically," he's ALEX XUE. Yay!
#66If he is a better Brianchon's Theorem than Brianchon's Theorem, works over shortlist problems in the lounge, buys ice cream for everyone, is a master medal maker, has his own CD, fretted over his graduation speech, cut his knee while busing his tray, used to live in Southern Calimass, and is part of the 4th rookie - coolest rookie - ensuing year's team tradition, then he's DAVID SHIN. Flubber-blubber!
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You really like frisbee, don't you? Why don't you try one last game at the frisbee field?
#71If she serves as a foil to Mr. Fat, colors graphs, and is unfairly rendered unable to score any points, then she's MS. THIN!
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That's impossible. He or she must have gotten a 21-. Go to 30.
#74Flip a coin.
#75If he shrugs expansively at every opportunity, dips pizza in Hawaiian punch, enjoys playing mercy, has had his meal card for three weeks, leans way back in his chair, is aggrieved to be beaten in the bad-style arena, has an extra plate for ketchup, could never learn Chinese, and has a very appropriate name, then he is RICKY BIGGS, and somebody set up him the mom!
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If he is the founder of Romanian Mafia, was a popular write-in for "most likely to hit on girls," plays basketball habitually, doesn't believe in personal space, spends more time with the Americans than with his own team, and commandeered his own field guide entry, then he is VALENTYN VORNICU, and he wants to know what you did today!
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Congratulations on your team's victory at ARML! Or did they only place second? Either way, head over to Calimass.
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A basketball player, eh? Sounds pretty suspicious.
#83If he comes from the same city as Po-Shen but didn't recognize him, wields a mean Scrabble dictionary, is the right-hand side of the equation for most perpendicular, vociferates, isn't familiar with Zerowing, and doesn't really care what "qaid" means, then he's YIAN ZHANG! What-what?
#84If he wasn't at MOP but wrote a rookie problem, didn't really go to IMO 2000, and is hard to imagine in college, then he's KAMALDEEP GANDHI, and he wants to know if you have a dro!
#85If she fills vacant spots in conversation, isn't the coolest thing ever, and beat out Reid's mom for the second consecutive year, she's YOUR MOM!
#86If he actually believes Kamaldeep Gandhi went to the IMO and changed his name to Ben Conlee, remembers flaws in movies, knows how to fit an elephant into a refrigerator, takes last place in Word Racer, will speak Chinese with anyone who comes his way, used to go to a school with military discipline, can frequently be found wearing headphones, needs figures of speech explained, and is a champion geometer, then he's TONY ZHANG, and you don't want to sit behind him in a kayak!
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All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
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There's a game starting at Yates field, so you'd better get over to the frisbee field.
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If the MOPper writes in wide, unslanted cursive, was given a new last name on the AMC website, thinks George is a mean grader, went home from MOP twice, insists on blowing up soap and playing the color-country game, was part of New Jersey's best-ever MathCounts team, wasn't getting any of the emails, knows about concurrent cevians, triple-pedal triangles, and harmonic conjugates, talks rarely but thoughtfully, and worked late into the night on the Field Guide, then he is IAN LE, and the Romanians are here!!
#95Crossroads! Go to Candyland, 74, or 33.
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If he has a purple agenda and a Bulgarian compass, wrote half the ELMO problems, draws unpopular T-shirt logos, is a character in Yan's write-ups, remembers the phrase "polar inertial momentum inequality," climbs upstairs using only the railings, can write in two languages simultaneously, will crush you in Anagrams, keeps having trouble with his camcorder, isn't persuaded by math puns, and invented quagga theory, hazardousness theory, and the banana algorithm, then he is GABRIEL CARROLL, a gastropod - and you, by way of contrast, are a big pink pickle!
#98Better hurry up. Head to 46.
#99If he pulls his hair out of his face, sits in the windowsill, hangs out of windows by one foot, speaks slowly and deliberately, imagines going to the bathroom in his dreams, wrote a rookie problem based on a song, goes barefoot, says "d'oh," and stretches out during lectures, then he's CHRIS MOORE, and he really needs to put a band-aid on that foot!
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If he goes to the gym and does pull-ups on the stairs, heads to Subway for lunch, doesn't want to be filmed with Inna, says things are "sketchy," is thinking of majoring in psychology (but Titu won't tell you that), cheated on his ELMO country code, has a record number of phone calls, and is going to Melanie-land next year, then he's OAZ NIR, and don't call him a "math person"!
#103If she plays Associations, keeps getting stuck with lectures she doesn't want to give, always picks bad oranges, arranges the 30 MOPpers in a line, looked up Hadamard's inequality (COOL!! YEH!!), gets hit with kayak paddles, corrected the Wilf-equivalence classification, demonstrates rolled R's, insists Gabriel wanted a boat trip, knows about the Minkowski space-time inner product, worked on the IMO 1998 problems in a bar in Louisiana, and sports a cool straw hat, then she is ZVEZDELINA STANKOVA-FRENKEL, and you just need to memorize these complex-number formulas!
#104If he shakes his head and laughs, takes his AMC tests forty miles from his school, plows indiscriminately through hundreds of shareware games, expands on the Monta Vista legacy by achieving the worst style in at least seven years, and (grr!) doesn't do ARML because of physics camp, then he's STEPHEN GUO, and no, he's not going to play Molecule!
#105I rode through the desert on a horse with no name#106
It felt good to be out of the rain.
If he can be seen around campus (always with his wife), lectured on the first day of MOP, and coached the United States' first IMO team, then he is MURRAY KLAMKIN, and you should get his autograph!
#108Go over to 8 for a surprise.
#109If he was a USAMO winner but couldn't go to the IMO, has never cursed in his life, does the fish thing with his mouth, sits with his arms folded across his chest, went to the vet lectures but was rookie of the year, and had his email address randomly mangled, then he is GREGORY PRICE, and be glad he didn't bring an inch-thick stack of physics problems!
#110If he will be the guide for Singapore, still uses the twisted-hex symbol, is receiving a camera from his brother, and remembers Bogdan's "Areas" lecture from Sinaia, then - yeah yeah - he is PO-SHEN LOH!
#111Listen to the Beatles.
#112If he has the best quote but doesn't know what it is, calls circles "w" and angles "fish," interviews team members so he knows how to work his way upwards, improved the most from the beginning of MOP to the end, had to get his brownie points, knows Torricelli's Meanness Postulate, condemns football but plays it anyway, and wrote the MOP 2001 play, then he's MICHAEL ROTHENBERG, and your ridiculous opinion has been noted!
#114If he finally got his sheets after two weeks, has a bounce in his step, was on the winning Diplomacy "team," refuses to play Frisbee because he played once and hated it, only occasionally leaves spaces between his words, is insanely logical, recognizes Michigan, and is one of the inseparables, then he's NEIL HERRIOT, and you should carry him with you at all times!
#115If she serves as a foil to Mr. Taf, colors graphs, and is locked in her own evil castle, then she's MS. NIHT!
#116Congratulations! You won the USAMO! Or did you?
Uh-oh. It's 11:45. You'd better finish your write-up. Head over to 122.
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#119If she knows when you're a MOPper, speaks in praise of caffeine, refers to her room as "Inna's room," has a brown MathCounts T-shirt and a broken leg, was the only vet in the top five on the ELMO, is keeper of the SET deck, reminds you not to bring schoolwork to Lincoln, knows (and invokes) all the MOP 2000 trivia, goes by the name "Miss Mister," and is one-twenty-fourth of the 2002 IMO team, then she's ALISON MILLER, and this is MOK!
#120If he starts interesting conversations with random people, is the horniest MOPper, uses Cauchy at every opportunity, wanted to take the ELMO in order to beat Tiankai, lives ten minutes away from the IMO site, follows George's cap-wearing style, didn't eat his own birthday cake, says "o-ho-ho," wants you to teach him math, takes all the scratch paper, transcendends all y'all, won a chunk of clay for his creative scratchwork, makes fun of Ben (and Tiankai), desperately needs poetic criticism, was perpendicular to your mom, and escaped the ghetto, then he's YAN ZHANG, and you're going DOWN!
#121If she relishes _Gödel, Escher, Bach_, laughs vigorously, wants an "implies" arrow after every statement, will take credit for Duke's Putnam success and its basketball success, figures there's obviously no lecture tomorrow, is an evil grader and an expert Glucker, asks what the holes are, is the US guide at the IMO, and leads all-night sing-alongs, then she is MELANIE WOOD, and she'll look like Kiran Kedlaya in ten years!
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#124If he didn't expect to win the ELMO, arranged for the cool people to go out to dinner (illegally), spends more time on his hair than on math, solved the evil 8^n problem, knows Yan from Ultimate Frisbee training camp, has seen this problem before, perpetuated the trend of coolest rookies taking fourth place, builds machines to lift pennies, rivals Pie Guy in digit awareness, is loaded with cologne, and argues about the shape of his home state, then he's BEN CONLEE, and, God, he's such a loser!
#125If he has a $150 bet about his hair, eats pot pie, plays Resident Evil (in secret), was recognized only by his shirt, has a pie end-of-proof symbol, still might have solved ELMO Problem 4, will write scores of digits of pi on your door, maintains an extraterrestrial sleep schedule, has an inexhaustible supply of pi shirts, persists in attempting to burn the Zumbug, and was an honorary rookie, then he is DAVID STOLP - or, rather, PIE GUY - and he wants to tell you about the Oaz Nir incident!
#126Your MOPper plays frisbee, doesn't he? We must be psychic. Go over to the frisbee field.
#127If he writes award-winning poems, comes up with homophones for "Gluck," types "sex" before Word Racer even starts (just in case), knows Mobius's birthday, failed to prove that math is cool, bears a striking resemblance to Paul Valiant, lectures about Titu, presents hyperbolic geometry proofs, knows how many inside jokes there are, sporadically bursts into song, is a fan of the well-ordering principle, and came to MOP to get his cherry popped, then he's STEVE BYRNES, and let's talk about sets!
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Your MOPper's first name contains only the letters 'n,' 'i,' and 'a.'
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If he spent three years in ninth grade, shrugs emphatically, goes by the name "Mr. Buniakowski," doesn't submit any scratchwork, plays hallway bowling with oranges, manages the MOP website, censors your Hall of Fame nomination, ripped Michael's head off, and is the Meaniest Meany Of Them All, then he's ANDERS KASEORG, and don't make unnecessary comments, or you'll be removed from the mailing list!
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If he has a father named "Exalted One," proffered the ancestral benediction, got to attend his graduation, has aged hundreds of years, and is going to the University of Chicago, then - hmm? Ah, yes, he's ANDREW DUDZIK!
#138"Whose woods these are I think I know./His house is in the village though;/He will not see me stopping here/To watch his woods fill up with snow." Take a breather at 148.
#139If he chuckles silently to himself, has the highest MOPper-to-student rate at his school (excluding the homeschoolers), sings in an a cappella group, left Washington early to go to RSI, is barely visible in the group photograph, and draws classrooms full of MOPpers in silhouette, then he's SEAN MARKAN, and he wants to know more about isogonal conjugates!
#140If he participated in a four-part harmony of scores, has a special place in his heart for linkages, won't try any actual geometry if he sees how to dumbass the problem, thinks nothing can compare to Tomb Raider, doesn't want to hear your calculus solution, is the guardian of the Scotch tape, barely knew algebra one year and made the IMO team the next, and gets bagels early in the morning, then he's ALEX SALTMAN, and he really is enforcing that curfew!
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The MOP runs strong in his family. His father has it. He has it. His brother has it. Go back to 67.
#144Think your MOPper is smart? Can he write Chinese?
If he looks like a velociraptor, is the master of Ultimate Frisbee, slept through his own lecture, finds things in his beard, isn't satisfied by phrases like "ridiculously large," will be in Texas next year, is the third grader (or is he a third-grader?), and suggests that ELMO could stand for "extra-long massage object," then he is DAN STRONGER, and there is no power in California!
#146If he challenges you to prove the Riemann hypothesis, has a Pi Mu Epsilon shirt and had to have his flight rebooked even though he's not a USAMO winner, asks how to prove 11 >= 10, has to curtail his proof to avoid being trapped in the mirror universe, has trouble drinking juice from a bowl, plots (and pops) evil rookie problems, knows all the standard Mac hacks, drew the MOP logo, shoots for random French words, and explains that the blank is an S, then he's MIKE HAMBURG, and don't even try to prove Poncelet's theorem!
#147Mr. Taf changes course to avoid the bodyguards' deadly lasers. Follow him to 5.
#148You're almost there.
The times are a-changing.
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#152If he routinely leaves confidential papers in public places, had to go back to get the neckties, solves porblems with murderplication, wants multiple write-ups for every team effort problem, doesn't like snakes, knows how to make it look like you solved every problem, and didn't know it was his turn to get breakfast, then he's ZUMING FENG, and you need a haircut so you can look cool!
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If he was a character in the last MOP test, tells Dr. Seuss bedtime stories, is the evilest vet, made the IMO team last year but just missed it this year, has so many oranges that he no longer needs a meal card, hopes he's black in Riemann Chess, runs out of chalk, submitted the heptagon problem to the RTC, sets his alarm for the middle of the day, plays halves of piano songs (one-handed), draws self-tiling polygons, and whistles through his teeth, then he is RICKY LIU, and he's screaming Zeckendorf!
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#156If he is a Popoviciu fiend, puts his hand on his hip at highly predictable times, keeps not solving the 102 problem, has a mom who emails AMC staff three times per week, confuses the Romanian lecturers with his use of idioms, shouldn't have told Greg his rookie problem, insists you should use Lagrange multipliers, and will become a Turing machine, he is DANI KANE, and this is not quite rigorous, but it should work!
#252Congratulations!!! Your IMO team got a perfect score! To celebrate, go to 10 choose 5.
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Whoops! Looks like you're stuck in the lunch line.
Home, sweet home.
#candylandMr. Fat offers you a candy bar.
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Great! We're starving over here. Bring that breakfast to G17.
#f7Checkmate! Time to get to work.
Better split into teams.
Hurry up! You don't want to be late for class. Head over to 128.
#radissonWelcome to the Radisson.
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